So many times God tells me no or wait and I throw fits and then learn, the very hard way how He knows so much better than me. And I admit this, and move on with life and completely forget it. I don't know how many times I've done this! I'm glad He is abundantly patient with me!
This past year has been rough in some regards. The main one being (and it's kind of hard to write about this in a public place, but I feel it is beneficial to others, and so I will) that we have been trying to start a family and it's just not happening like I "want" it to. Like I "planned".
Which is hard on a few levels.
I forget that God is sovereign and in complete control. I go through mixed emotions of feeling broken, aching, judging others who are parents and comparing myself (which is not only sinful, but absurd). And that's just the tip of the iceberg!
God's taught me a few things through this time and with the help of my husband.
He's taught me that I have no idea what is best for me and that I need to just trust Him. This is so cliche and so hard to actually do.
A Sovereign grace song has been going through my mind this week:
" You disarmed me of everything that I would lean on
So I would lean on You
And You stripped me of everything I would depend on
So I’d depend on You"
A verse I have relied on through much of this is Romans 8:32:
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Believing He actually always knows what is best is a wonderful place to be.
Know He knows. Truly trust that He is for you. Because He is!