He Lifted Me Up

Ten years ago.

I just recently realized it had been that long.

I set out on my own adventure, on my own life led by the Lord.

He has gently led me, one step at a time. 

Corrected me. Molded me.

Changed me.

Little by little.

But when I look back, what He has done simply blows my mind.

How? Why?

Because He loves me!

Wow.

I just watched a video put together for the alumni of the discipleship training program I did that year.

As I remembered I could not believe how different I am.

How I didn't know who I was then.

How afraid I was.

How lost I was.

Searching.

I didn't even realize these things at the time. Not really. I just believed that was where God wanted me to be. And now I know God Sovereignly put me there.  

I started to learn that pouting and manipulating was not the way to treat others. I didn't even know I was doing it. It was such an ingrained habit.

I started to learn that my opinion mattered.

That people wanted to be with me.

(I still struggle with this sometimes.)

I had learned that this wasn't the case in my past.

I learned to stick with something even when it got hard.

I was treated with love even when I messed up, something I was not used to.  I was corrected when it was needed, and then offered wheat thins ;). 

I studied how it was important to obey God and not man.

God showed me how He was always with me, and was my proud Father.

I've since learned that I am not a complete introvert. I was made one by those around me.

That it's ok to share my mind, be openly silly.

I am such a different person from that year.

I was struggling as I had just left such a sheltered, controlling environment. 

I think my AC (accountability cell) family saw this more than I did.

I met a husband who didn't try to make me into a person that he thought I should be.

I've had jobs that forced me to interact constantly with people, that didn't let me stay in the background- and I LOVED it.

I've spent time in His Word and found truths I never knew were there. God opened my eyes to things I never understood. 

He, He alone has changed me.

Psalm 40:2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,out of the miry bog,and set my feet upon a rock,making my steps secure. 

Dear Sweet Girl

Dear sweet girl,

Seven months ago you came into our world. You sent our lives spinning in such beautiful ways.

You are our tiny princess.

Miss personality.

Vibrant determination.

Your laughter fills our hearts, and your singing and chit chat our house.

Even at the end of a grumpy, teething day, I love being your mama. 

Dear Family

I've been praying and agonizing over this and following posts.

How do I say what I want to say?

How do I not alianate you while typing what I believe God is calling me to post?

You may read words you strongly disagree with-know that that is ok!

You may wonder how I came to the place where I am.

How did you go wrong?

Know this: I love you. 

I am not bitter. I am not writing in anger.

You were responsible for raising me in the fear of the Lord,and for that I thank you. 

Were it not for the Godly churches, awesome Bibles and passion for Him and His Word that was passed on, I do not know where I would be today.

 

Now as an adult I answer to Him. If I am wrong, He will correct me. And if I am wrong, I deeply apologize.

I am going to blog and share posts on my Facebook because I believe it to be what God is now calling me to do.

Because there is a fire burning in me that must come out.

Because I love you.

These posts are not against you. They are not a weapon I am wielding, shooting  arrows at your heart.

They are letters of love.

They are explanations of a journey God has brought me on.

They are stories of truth He has revealed to my heart.

And I want you to know. And I want others to understand.

I hope you choose to read.

If you do not, I respect that choice and my love for you will not change.

I will always be your daughter and your sister. You will always be welcome in our lives.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

May He be your joy

This morning I was praying for those for whom this day is hard:

Those who have lost their moms;

Those who's kids are hard places;

Those who were abused growing up; 

Those who never knew their mom.

Most of all, for me, my heart aches for arms who long for children.

It took us a couple of years to have our first, and there were times when I felt as Rachel felt in Genesis 30 ("give me children or I shall die!").

I cannot fathom the pain and strength of those who have gone through this many more years than I, some of which have lost their sweet ones before spending any, if much life together.  

I was praying for you this morning. I feel as if saying such is such a feeble offering to you on this day. But I wanted to let you know that you are loved.

Those whom I know I prayed for by name. I wish I could see you in person on this day, hug you and cry together if you needed it. I've cried for you already today...

May you feel the love of your Abba Father today.

Numbers 6:24-26 

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. 

Conference

Last week I had the awesome privilege of joining a group from my church in attending the Children's Desiring God conference.

This is a conference for those who work with the children (nursery up) and youth in churches.

It was an incredible blessing and I would say I got more out of it than any other conference I have ever had the privilege of attending.

I'd strongly encourage anyone to listen to any of the messages and seminars as they are available on their site: ChildrensdesiringGod.org

 

This blog was spoken of by Kempton Turner (one of Bethlehem's youth pastors) and I doubt anyone could read a single entry without being both blessed and convicted!

  http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.ca/?m=1

This young missionary followed The Lord to the mission field at age 18 and has lived in  Africa ever since. 

That workshop was about not expecting little from our youth, and not allowing for the world's mindset that life begins after Hugh school or college, so live it up now(YOLO?). So true.

One of the biggest reminders for me was that God is sovereign in the lives of those we love and minister to, and that only His Spirit can save them. 

Of course I know this! But being given the picture of preaching to a cemetery (without God's intervention) is a vivid one.

I also know a God who brought dead bones to life!

Snow on my birthday

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

Today things did not go the way I planned or wanted. I understand, deep down that this is a part of life. But, it being my birthday part if me REALLY wanted to pout.
I'm sure my parents remember growing up I would say it was going to be a beautiful day, because I had "ordered" nice weather. And, April being what it was where we lived, it usually was. I'd smile and say "see! He loves me!"

I'm so grateful for God's grace in my life that now I can know that when things are not going "my" way I can rejoice in Him and His sovereignty in my life.
What an incredible gift!
I know He loves me, as His special daughter. Even more than I love our sweet girl. More than I can fathom.
And in that love He gives me what I need!
Even snow on my birthday.

I am also grateful for His grace in leading me through a friend to Ann Vonskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts", and for Him teaching me to give thanks in all things, resting in His arms of love and Daddy's heart.

Even for pain. Even for things I don't like. Even for snow on my birthday.

For His great name

Joshua 7:... And what will you do for your great name?”
Praying and asking God to work and what will He do for the sake of His name.

This really struck me during my quiet time this week. Wow! What boldness!

Joshua was in a tough situation to say the least. Israel had just been defeated at Ai. They were surrounded by enemies
I don't know about you, but I think I pray a little "politely"sometimes.
Joshua called on God to defend Himself and bring glory to His name.
I started to pray in this way after reading this. I challenge you to do the same!

Some gifts:
-Long winters, with spring coming when God call it, in the weather and in our lives.

- "Be strong and courageous"

- getting back to counting my gifts.

- quiet time with Jesus.

- Grace towards me that is new every morning.

- My car accident (trust in The Lord, and learning compassion for others).

Almost A New Year

3 gifts prayed for:
~Continued provision.
~God's will in our lives.
~Joy in Him no matter what.

3 gifts Praised for:
~Learning to pray together as a couple.
~A wonderful Christmas with family and friends.
~The community of church family that we have.


3 hard gifts:
~Unanswered prayer.
~No answers from doctors.
~Physical pain.

3 gifts of change:
~Change of seasons.
~Change to the heart.
~Change to perspective.

A gift small: The changes in my little lady, her world is opening up!

A gift smaller: A sweet smile from the Sweetie.

A gift smallest: New beads :).

3 gifts read:
~“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
    whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water,
    that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
    for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
^{Jeremiah 17:7,8}

 ~“I the Lord search the heart
    and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
    according to the fruit of his deeds.”
^{Jeremiah 17:10}

~ And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”
Acts 16:31

 3 gifts said:
~Hearing my husband tell my daugher she gets more and more beautiful.
~Having my husband tell me that I have been a source of grace in his life over the past year.
~Hearing words that encourage me to believe the truth about how God views me.

3 gifts re-read:
~The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9

 ^{~One who heard us was a woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyatira, a seller of purple goods, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul.
Acts 16:14} 
 ~And looking intently at the council, Paul said, “Brothers, I have lived my life before God in all good conscience up to this day.”
 <sup>Acts 23:1

3 gifts burning:
~Fire in the fireplace on Christmas.
~Candles all around on Christmas.
~Warmth in our hearts, put their by the greatest Gift Giver on Christmas.</sup>

 

Such Joy

A gift unexpected: an old friend of my husbands coming to town, and getting to have a quick breakfast with him.

3 gifts shy
 The real me, that it's taken years to come out:
~My voice.
~Sharing my inner self.
~My personality.

3 gifts shelved:
~Shelves full of food.
~My tea cupboard.
~ Books.

3 gifts shining:
~The example of grace in a family that has been friend's with mine for years.
~A new uncle, so excited to meet his niece.
~A new daddy, constantly loving on and beaming over his girl.

A gift circling: onions cut and cooked in my healthy lunch.

A gift crowing: remembering The King of Kings, come as a tiny baby, just like mine, all those years ago.

A gift crafted: new booties, from a friend, which fit my girl's tiny feet.

3 gifts silver:
 ~Beads in my latest piece.
~Parts on my baby monitor.
~Ornaments on Baba's Tree.

3 gifts sweet:
~yogurt, the end of my lunch.
~cornflake peanut butter squares.
~the smell of a sweet candle.

3 gifts from your Savior:
~Grace in a husband, reminding me to see things as God sees them and not allow guilt to overcome me.
~Grace in family who love us so much.
~Grace in the opportunity to be a mother.

A gift hung: An ornament from a dear cousin.
A gift held: The hand of my Love.
A gift heard: Hearing my husband telling a friend how he knew he had to "marry that girl" and being reminded of how much he loves me.

3 gifts orange:
~My wonderful, handcrafted diaper bag.
~A cozy sweater.
~Yummy oranges, tastes like Christmas!

 3 gifts falling:
~Snow flakes.
~My weight ;).
~Tears as my heart was shared.

A gift caught: Joy caught on camera as The Uncle meets The girly.

A gift let go: Pride, by His grace.

A gift mid-way: My walk with Him.

3 gifts reaped:
~Joy in sharing hope with someone I had invested in years ago.
~Love from little ones.
~Love from my husband.

3 gifts returned:
~Peace.
~Joy.
~Rest (as I let things go, let go of bitterness and trust Him.

3 gifts redeemed:
~My past.
~My present.
~My future.

A gift baked: cookies from friends.
A gift stirred: A cup of new tea.
A gift eaten: Truffles.

His Grace Is Enough

3 gifts ugly-beautiful:
Reading
 ~"when God wants us to know answers, He wants us to know Him."
And
~"The secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is"
And
~ "When we loudly question God’s culpability, God quietly questions our humility."
From Ann today. No, I have not lost my sweet child. But life is hard in many forms. Seeing your husband deal with illnesses for a year, some of which have no answer to them, is hard too.

A gift fixed: Our windshield wipers. Yay! Thank you my dear!

Folded: Laundry (one of my least favorite chores- yay, it's done!)

Freckled: The face of a little friend.

3 gifts in conversation: ~Watching my daughter's reaction to me telling her all kinds of things.
                                      ~Sharing the joy of new little things she is learning with others.
                                       ~ The comradeship of friendship.

3 gifts in salvation: ~Peace.
                                ~Joy.
                                 ~Comfort.

3 gifts in information:  Being able to share God's grace and love via:
                                      ~Facebook.
                                      ~Twitter.
                                      ~This blog.

A gift of reading: Truth in the book of Acts. Good stuff!
               receding: The end of one year. What a year!
               reclaiming: bad habits, ways of doing things admitted, repented of.

3 gifts quiet:
~The first moments of the morning.
~A quiet snuggle in the evening.
~A chance to nap as my mother in law (Baba) loves on the baby.

3 gifts funny:
~Laughing at how the girl wiggles straight out of being swaddled.
~Hearing a story of a prank pulled during my husband's college years.
~Hearing my husband sing silly songs to my daughter.


3 gifts finished:
~Delicious Italian leftovers.
~My last book.

~Old attitudes.

3 gifts flourishing:
My relationships with:
~The Lord.
~My husband.
~My daughter.
All by His abundant grace. No they are not perfect. But He brings growth.

3 gifts white:
~sparkling Christmas lights.
~A fresh bit of snow.
~White Christmas chocolate.

3 gifts bright:
~Red sparkling nail polish on my fingers and toes.
~ My in-laws beautiful Christmas tree.
~Camera flashes as we remember my girl's uncle meeting her for the first time.

3 gifts shining:
~The moon.
~ The sun, shining on this the shortest day of the year.
~Eyes that love their new little granddaughter.