Learning what I already know

This past month has been an adventure of sorts for the two of us.
Andrew has not been able to eat solid food since before Christmas. We're still not completely sure what the issue is. The muscles seem to be getting better so hopefully soon we can see what kind of work the teeth need to solve the real problem. It's not a bone issue though, so that's good.
His intense daily pain. Finding food I can puree for him to eat. Trying to make sure he's getting enough of what he needs each day. Feeling completely helpless.
Currently he is in withdrawal from the pain meds. So he is both in pain as well as dealing with feeling horrible.
And day after day he reminds me "This is the best thing for us. If it were not we would not be going through it."
Finding joy in God period has finally found it's way into my heart through this.
Again dealing with something that is out of my control. Having to completely trust God. All of a sudden something clicked.
Last fall the youth went through the study "the blazing center" which was basically a study through John Pipers Desiring God. I was introduced to the fact that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." hmmm. Sounds good. I tried to wrap my brain around it. I did a bit.
Our pastor continually talks about this. I hear it all the time. Nothing else can take His place. My joy cannot come from circumstances. I've heard parts of it my whole life. Other parts were new.
For many years this has been one of my favorite verses:
^" Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139: 16
I thought I knew what it meant, but did not fully grasp it.
But this time, something came together for me.
I could choose to be miserable because our attempts to start a family were on hold.
I could go around complaining that our life is just horrible because once again we are dealing with a very out of the ordinary illness that may never be explained.
Or I could realize that God is wiser than I.
That my life is never in my control, and this was just a magnified picture of this.
I could choose joy. His joy. I could truly, really realize that God is who He is by His very nature and have that bring me His joy, His peace, confidence.
And I did.
It's a constant battle, but it's also an amazing feeling. From Him.
And in the car a couple of weeks ago I told Andrew that God was teaching me things I already knew. My head knew them. My heart didn't quite grasp them. It wasn't my reality.
I've now thanked Him for this season. For things that seem to my humanness painful, horrible even. And He has turned pain to joy. He can do that!
His grace is Huge.
Choose joy in Him!

God is good. Period.

God is good!
How often do you hear someone saying this when everything is rosy in their world? "I got a new car! God is good!" "The test came back negative! God is good!"
What about when the test comes back positive? Guess what? God is still good!
God's goodness is not based on our circumstances. It's part of His unchanging nature. His goodness is not something He does, it's something He is.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. ~James 1:17


When you can't open your mouth, and are in continual pain and the doctors are not sure what is going on: God is good.
When you are trying to start a family and don't understand God's plan: He is still good.
Andrew reminds me daily right now as it's hard to keep the right perspective "this is the best thing that could be happening to us." And it's true.
He is good and we can take joy in that.

But as for me, it is good to be near God. ~Psalm 73:28

Just a little furthur...

How much does it take to make someone's day?
How much does it take to take an awkward moment and turn it into a moment of joy?

I had God hand me a little lesson a couple of days ago.
I was serving a customer who told me that she wanted two mocachinos. So I asked her if she was looking for a hot or a cold drink (as this is not something on our menu). She looked a good deal miffed. I then proceeded to finish putting her through the till and giving her her cookie. I decided that I should push a little out of my comfort zone and go further and explain why I had ask for clarification and how I just wanted to make sure I was giving her what she really wanted. This led to an immediate smile. Wow, that was not very hard and made a world of difference!

Later, as I was doing what we call a slide of the cafe (collecting dishes, straightening up) I saw her and asked her if they had enjoyed their mochas. She raved about how good they and her cookie were.

Amazing.

So I was thinking and praying about this later. Okay God. I'm getting your message. How often do I miss opportunities to reach others around me because I am comfortable in my little bubble. How often are there people around me who need a little something, or a big something, and I simply pass them by-because it is easier.
May I truly, but His grace live by this verse:
Ephesians 5:2
and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.